oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
