Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
