Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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