Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
