i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
