Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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