pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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