I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
