I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
