I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
