last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
