woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
