I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is this the sara with the beer cane?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Bring me that man meat
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
