I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
