worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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