Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
