Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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