I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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