Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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