so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
