I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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