3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
