I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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