after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
