recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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