he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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