Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
