Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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