NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
