Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
