Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That accounts for only three of the penises
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
