I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
