I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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