I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
