Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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