i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
