I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
