fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
