OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
