i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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