your parents love me but you hate me
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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