I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
