I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
