Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
