I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need a beard to bite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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