Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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