i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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