i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
