ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
