Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
