he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
