dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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