we have officially lost it.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
